I'm Breaking Your Heart Silently
by YouCanPanicatMyDisco
Summary: DerekandStiles have been dating for four years and they're practically on the brink of engagement even though neither of them have seemingly actually gotten a ring or thought about it. This changes when Stiles gets diagnosed with stomach cancer. He decides to break it off with Derek so it would be easier for derek to move on if he doesn't make it - but, was that right? (Sterek)
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! trying my hand at Sterek :/ it probably won't be too fabulous, but enjoy!**

* * *

Stiles hadn't been feeling well for so long and his boyfriend Derek was worried. They had been going on strong for four years, and met in college. They ended up barely taking the first date to decide to be together. It was easy, with Derek. Derek loved his humor and his easy going attitude and the ability to comfort him and be comforted. Stiles told Derek he loved him two years ago. Derek has never said it in person, but he'll send notes and texts with the words.

We're getting off track

Stiles went to the doctor this morning, not bothering to tell Derek yet. He didn't want to wake him. He changed the radio station a couple times, then when he didn't find anything good, he just turned it off, feeling anxious. There was nothing to worry about, right?

He pulled up to the hospital to see Dr. Deaton, who gave Scott a nursing internship at the hospital, so he knew Deaton well and he was comfortable with him. He shuffled to his checkup and sat anxiously on the paper covered bed.

The white walls had a couple crayon-drawn pictures from Deaton's small patients, which seemed to ease Stiles slightly. The room was unnaturally clean and he was just waiting for his test results. Deaton had acted weird the whole visit, so not even the kids drawings eased him completely.

Deaton walked back in the room, face solemn, seemingly blank as well. Stiles stood up, getting off the bed. "I don't like that expression, what's wrong." he cringed. He tried to keep his tone light, but he felt sicker just looking at Deaton.

"Stiles, have you been feeling nauseous, or maybe in pain...not eating as much?" He asked slowly, closing the folder and setting it down softly. Stiles nodded slowly and eyed him

"Change in weight gain or loss?"

"Yes? Why"

"Fever? Pain?"

"Yes. Why." He demanded, hands starting to shake. "What's wrong with me?" he hoped for the best but expected the worst.

"You have stomach cancer." He said softly. Stiles went quiet for the first time in a long time.

"Stomach cancer?" He paused "Stomach cancer? I was expecting the flu. or inflammatory abdominal pain. Stomach cancer? Cancer?" He repeated, sitting down again.

"Yes." He said softly. "And...you're quite far along in the development of the growth of the cancer so there's….only a fifty percent chance the treatment will work." He said, staring at the floor, shaking his head. "We have to start the treatment tomorrow. I don't want to wait any longer. I'm gonna get some prescriptions ready. You can...call some people." he muttered ad left the room, sort of looking sad.

Stiles had already started crying a little. He called his dad, and made arrangements to move back in with him. He called Scott who was all the way in Oxford, and he'd be flying in immediately. After many calls, the only left was Derek. He can't….he can't tell Derek. He can't do it.

* * *

His twisted mind felt like a fifty percent chance of the treatment working, was only a ten percent chance of his survival. He couldn't do that to Derek. He sweet, beloved Derek. On his way home, he had to stop to start sobbing again. It wasn't fair. He finally got home to Derek, who smiled brightly at his entering. "Stiles! You're home. I saw your note, how was Deaton?" He leaned over to kiss Stiles, but Stiles moved away.

"We need to talk." He muttered. He started crying again already. He felt pathetic at all the crying. "We have to break up." He whispered. "I...I don't...I don't love you." He stuttered, sobbing and starting to pick up random things he owned and putting them in a bag. Derek dropped the spoon he was holding. "No, what are you doing? You can't...no. This hasn't been nothing. _We're _not nothing. What's going on?" He said, holding onto Stiles like he was drowning. Stiles looked at him. It broke his heart to see Derek's broken expression.

Stiles cried harder, wishing he would just stop so he would see more authentic in his lie. He turned to the man he loved and proceeded to break his heart, too. "I don't want to be here anymore. That's it." His voice shook and once he had stuffed most of his clothes in a bag, including two of Derek's when he wasn't looking so he could still have a piece of him.

"Y-You loved me." Derek's small, broken voice tore his heart apart even more. Stiles put a bunch of random things he couldn't live without in another bag and closed it, heading for the door.

"Not anymore" He choked out and left. He kept Derek's apartment key and some of his shirts and a picture or two of him, but nothing else. He couldn't keep Derek. Maybe if he lived, he could get him back.

* * *

He got in his car and drove back to his childhood home. His home. To his dad. He cried all day and through the night. Living without Derek would be...wrong. And it wouldn't be living, but he couldn't break Derek's heart by dying. He had to break it with words so Derek could move on better if his treatment didn't work out.

The next day, his dad drove him to the hospital and he began treatment. He ignored his phone each day, just getting more texts and calls from Derek. Derek found out he was living with his dad and started to send letters. at least two a day. Stiles left them in the corner of his room. One day, he got a letter with something in it. His curiosity got the better of himself and he opened the letter. Mistake.

_My beloved Stiles._

_Why? I know you probably don't read these letters, but this is just the same thing i ask myself alone everyday without you, so it would just be another whisper into an empty room when you don't read them._

_I want to know why you left me._

_What did i do wrong?_

_I still love you._

_I think i'm going to start coming to your house. I need to see you again. All i have is the things you left behind, and your pictures._

_I want you to have this. Since this week was going to be our five year anniversary, i was going to...it doesn't matter. I bought it for you, and i want you to have it. Do what you want with it, but i just can't bear to look at it anymore._

_-Derek_

A fucking ring. Derek was going to propose. Stiles promptly threw up. He was a month into the treatment, and he looked weak and frail and he can't let Derek see him like this. He took the ring and slipped it on his thin, pale finger. It hurt how much he loved it. How much he loved Derek.


	2. Chapter 2

He had already lost all of his hair.

He heard Derek knocking on the door downstairs. He heard his father politely telling Derk to stop coming here.

Two months.

it's been two long months.

They still don't know if it would work. He felt weak and small. He went downstairs after his dad shooed away Derek. These days, Scott would visit, and so would Lydia, Allison, Kira (usually with Scott), Isaac, the twins, Danny, Jackson came once, Boyd, Erica, and all of his friends. He loved when Isaac came, because he'd play board games and watch movies, Boyd would make his dad food, so he and his father could spend more time together what with Stiles' father working more to pay for the treatment, Scott would play video games, the girls would make him hats and blankets and they'd be good to talk to and help comfort him about Derek.

As they all came and went, none of them mentioned the ring on his finger.

They didn't need to

* * *

Month three is when Derek seemed to get desperate.

He'd hunt down his friends and interrogate them. Stiles never asked how Derek looked or if he seemed healthy for fear of the answer. One day, Stiles heard Scott and his dad talking downstairs.

"Derek isn't doing too good." Scott said to the sheriff. "I didn't want to bring this up, but Derek looks almost just as bad as Stiles does. He looks like he's not eating, when i run into him at the store, he's just getting crackers and water and sometimes frozen dinners."

Stiles thought to Derek being disgusted at the thought of the frozen mashed potatoes when he and Stiles went grocery shopping, saying they weren't real food, and he'd never stoop so low as to eat that. He'd proceed to buy ingredients and cook them a large meal and eat the leftovers for days.

The sheriff sighed "I know. Every time he comes over he gets more and more desperate. I think he's starting to figure out when Stiles leaves the house every other week for his check ups with Deaton. I'm worried they'll see each other. But at the same time, they're miserable without each other."

Stiles tightened his blanket around himself and adjusted his hat. He rubbed a hand over his sunken cheeks and decided to go downstairs and face the pitied looks.

Month four is when it happened. Derek found him. He had gotten in the car with his dad and crawled in the back seat and his dad called his name, the only alert he got to cover himself with the blanket.

"Stiles! Stiles, please talk to me! Please! One talk! I just need to know what i did wrong, please!"He called out, helplessly banging on the window. Stiles just reached out and pulled the blanket more over himself. The pounding stopped and that's when Stiles realized.

He had the ring on.

Derek saw him with the ring on. He peek out the blanket to only see Derek's confused face.

Derek looked like he hadn't slept well in ages and like he hadn't eaten a proper meal since Stiles left. Maybe he hadn't.

Stiles felt worse.

* * *

Derek ended up finding out during the fifth month.

Stiles' dirty little secret was discovered. He didn't want Derek to know - god - he _couldn't _let him know. But he found out.

It was an accident, because Stiles figured that since it was afternoon and Derek had already come over today, that he wouldn't be back. He had Lydia coming over soon to watch some movies together, so when the doorbell rang, it would be Lydia - Lydia was the only one that ever rang the doorbell.

Stiles got up and shuffled to the door, feeling particularly sick that day after throwing up a couple times already. He pulled open the door softly and was face to face with Derek. He didn't say anything for a couple minutes, but what was there to say?

Derek started to muttered "Did you shave your head and get a bad cold? What happened to you?" He asked softly. He reached out and held Stiles' hand. Stiles let him, I mean, why stop him?

"I...I think you'd better come in and sit down." He tugged Derek inside softly. He shut the door and curled up on the couch. Derek sat down, looking at him wearily, concern heavy in his expression. Stiles felt a little more whole with Derek there, more like himself. He wished he had never left Derek. They needed each other just like Scott said.

"I have…" He winced, because no, he can't start there. He should start from the beginning. Deep breath. Go. "I broke up with you, because when I went to the doctor's that morning, I found out I...have cancer. In my stomach. I waited too long to go to the doctor, so there's a fifty percent chance that the chemo won't work because the cancer was already very developed." He nibbled his lip, refusing to look at Derek.

"I didn't want you to be arund me if i didn't make it. I felt like you wouldn't move on. And I thought breaking it off then and keeping it secret would...make you move on, y'know? I could maybe even get you back if I got better." He explained softly.

Derek was quiet and he scooted closer and pulled Stiles onto his lap. Stiles felt like a breath was put back in his lungs at Derek's warm and soft touch.

"That's stupid." He muttered, sounding pained. "I need you, Stilinski." he muttered, like it was obvious. Stiles smiled as big as he could. "I need you, too, you big lug." He cuddled closer and covered them both with the blanket.

"Derek, i still may not make it-"

"No. Don't talk about it right now. We can talk about it tomorrow." He said softly. He played with the ring on Stiles' finger. "Is this a yes?"

"Absolutely."


	3. Chapter 3

Stiles knew when he woke up that he made a mistake. He shouldn't have told Derek. He should've told him to leave and slammed the door in his perfectly sculpted self. He could still hurt him.

Derek looked better after some good sleep and Stiles smiled a little watching him. He kissed Derek's forehead softly and checked the time.

Time to go to his check up

**The **check up.

The one where he finds out if he's doing better.

Stiles wrote Derek a note that he had to go to the doctor's office and that he'd be back soon. He shuffled down to the jeep and drove himself to the hospital for his check up and waited in the waiting room with a hat on his head.

three hours later he had his result.

Only one more month of this hell and he was free.

He drove back home and jumped into bed with Derek who had just woken up and was reading the letter. He smiled at looking at Stiles "Back so soon? How was the appointment?" He murmured, rubbing Stiles' thin sides.

Stiles smiled "Wonderful news, Der…"

- A YEAR AND A HALF LATER -

Stiles paced the hallway, still anxious and checking his watch. His dad finally showed up and he breathed in relief and ran a hand through his long hair. "Dad, i can't believe you're late." He practically growled, but hugged him.

The sheriff smiled at his son "Shut up, Stiles. These are our last moments with you being mine." He ruffled Stiles' hair and Stiles rolled his eyes

"You're giving me away, Dad, i'm not dying." He laughed. They hooked arms and the music started, and Scott showed up behind him with Allison on his arm. Behind him was Isaac and Cora, and then Lydia and Danny. He smiled proudly at them and the doors opened. Stiles stared down the aisle to the altar where Deek stood, looking as beautiful as ever.

Stiles let his dad give him away and stepped up to the altar. Scott, Lydia, and Allison stood on his side and Isaac, Danny and Cora stood on Derek's. "Hey, there." Stiles whispered and Derek looked like he was about to cry with happiness.

"Hey, yourself." He breathed.

"You really want to start forever? With me?" Stiles asked, taking Derek's hand. Derek took Stiles's other hand and looked closer to tears then before

"I do."

* * *

**short last chapter, I know, but I thought it was kinda cute. Sorry this story kinda sucks? :/**


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